Copyright (c) 2009 Vin DiCarlo
I'm just as guilty as you. I made a Facebook profile.
Actually I've had one for awhile now. There's things I like about it.
It's easy to stay in touch with people. I've got friends from high school, acquaintances, old flings, old friends, business associates, you name it.
And being the smart ass that I am, I like to send offensive, and funny (but mostly offensive) comments to people's pictures and profile walls.
I don't spend much time on it - in fact, I'd say I'm actually pretty at the whole facebook thing. I'm not very proactive at adding friends or staying involved.
It's just kinda...there.
But I know a lot of people who get really into it and spend a lot of time doing pointless facebook crap.
It's like a hobby for the masses. And it can get addicting.
I've dated girls who spent ENTIRE DAYS messing "playing on facebook."
I dated one girl who posted nine - NINE - comments on my profile wall.
And she wasn't a psycho - she just didn't have anything else to do!
I used to be a huge computer nerd. In fact, I still am, but now I use the computer to make money and run my business.
But I've done the WoW thing, and the porn thing, and the instant message thing...
The computer is a tool that can easily waste too much of your time - actually any amount of time wasted is too much, but hey, we're all human.
One of the things that I think is really bad about facebook is the whole "adding friends" thing.
There's this perception that it looks bad if you don't have a lot of friends.
The ironic thing is that most people who have huge friend lists aren't actually friends with most of those people.
But they will look people up on facebook simply to look like they have more friends or contacts.
This is extremely common among women - I just read an article about it actually. Some quack-psychologist is calling it "facebook friends syndrome" or something equally retarded.
But his point is that women get addicted to adding friends to facebook because they are insecure socially - they are social approval-seekers.
And if you've been reading this newsletter before, you know what I think of approval-seeking.
But it's a different story when it comes to women.
Women are smaller and generally weaker than men (obviously there are exceptions). Plus they are vulnerable sexually - they are the ones who get penetrated and have to deal with a baby in their body for 9 months.
So they need protection - some sense of safety. And they get it from 'strength in numbers.'
Through the millennia of evolution, women have evolved to seek help - strength in numbers - through social networking.
This has lead to a strong mental wiring that makes them seek out affiliation and approval from others.
Think about this - if a woman is disliked by people she meets, she has no support group, no one to help her if she is threatened physically. The situation is worse if she gets pregnant.
No obviously this is not as big a concern for a woman in 2008 as it was, say 3000 years ago.
But evolution is slow - the wiring is still there.
Now why am I telling you all this?
Well first of all, I'm telling you how NOT to think. Do not get sucked into the approval seeking game.
If you don't know what approval seeking feels like, observe your state and train of thought when you are on facebook adding and confirming friends to your "list."
Secondly, you can leverage women's high need for approval, by not NOT GIVING IT TO THEM.
You see, most guys instantly give women their approval by SEEKING IT FROM THE WOMAN.
Think about it - if you want someone's approval, it means you've already approved of THEM in your mind. You wouldn't want their approval if you didn't see them as high value, or in other words, "approve" them.
So don't seek a woman's approval.
Typically, I will tease a woman before I give her a compliment.
I will not shower her with compliments and give her validation simply because she is pretty. A woman must earn my affection.
If you can adopt this mindset for yourself, your interactions will not only be easier, but you will feel less anxiety, and you will create more windows for escalation.
